Silence Is So Loud
Life is noise, and it’s also silence.
But for me, silence is never really silent, because, I have tinnitus. There’s a constant, never-ending ringing in my right ear around 8 khz.
So, yeah, life is noise.
But ever since the ringing started, I think of silence less and less like the absence of sound. And now, I think of it more like an abstract, unattainable concept like a temperature of absolute zero, or a perpetual motion machine.
It’s something that doesn’t exist.
But every once in awhile, I find myself craving absolute silence in an unrealistic way.
I’ll have thoughts like, if I could just have pure silence for one moment, then I’d be able to figure it all out. Then that would be enough. And then maybe I would be enough.
These thoughts always push for a little bit more of something, or a little bit less of something. Even if it’s something none of us have any control over.
So when I notice this craving in me, I try to remember that I can experience things without reacting to them.
I can notice how every experience I have happens as a direct, subjective feeling. And it’s happening because I’m here, because I’m part of it. Things don’t happen to me, they happen as me.
And when I remember this, I don’t feel separate or isolated from the environment, but I feel part of it.
I feel, connected. Because there’s no such thing as silence.
I turned this short blog post into a very short film, which I’ve uploaded on YouTube, happy viewing!
